


Only Lost is Found

by waywardaquarius



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel is Saved from the Empty (Supernatural), Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dreams and Nightmares, Dysfunctional Family, Fix-It, Fluff, Headcanon, Inspired By Tumblr, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Post-Canon Fix-It, Praying Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Reunions, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Song: Only Lost is Found (Blue October), Team Free Will (Supernatural), Tumblr: Writing-prompt-s, Writing Prompt Wednesday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 13:41:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30106842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardaquarius/pseuds/waywardaquarius
Summary: Headcanon: post 15x18 where Cas comes back from The Empty and hears Dean praying for his return. But things don't go the way he hopes when he shows up at the bunker.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 55





	Only Lost is Found

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MrsMetta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsMetta/gifts).



> I've lifted all I can  
> So I turn to the page of our connection  
> I need you here with me  
> I'm willing, I'm kneeling  
> A place where I belong  
> Pain, the worst is finally gone  
> Way, way beyond the signals  
> I know you're used to suffering  
> But love will take some time
> 
> - _Only Lost is Found_ , Blue October

“I miss you. Every goddamn day. Why aren’t you here with me?”

Sam was strolling down the hallway of the bunker towards his bedroom when he heard Dean. Was he praying to Cas again? He caught his brother doing that a lot in the past few days. It had been nearly a week since The Empty had taken Cas from them, and Dean rarely spoke now except to talk to his invisible angel when he thought he was alone. 

“Everything alright, Dean?” Sam asked, hoping to make conversation while Dean was awake and seemingly lucid; he was drunk a lot of the time now, passing out with a whiskey bottle in hand more often than not.

“Yeah,” Dean said unconvincingly. He didn’t look up; he was kneeling at the side of the bed, staring at the comforter, his hands folded in front of him. 

“Can I make you breakfast?” Sam asked, even though it was well past noon.

“Yeah,” Dean said again, looking up this time. “That sounds nice.”

Sam made a U-turn in the hallway and moved quickly to the kitchen, intent on taking advantage of sober-ish Dean and trying to have a real conversation with him. Not that they had ever been particularly good at that, but it was about time for an intervention. He didn’t remember the last time he had seen Dean eat anything, either.

He was pulling ingredients out of the cupboard to make a pile of bacon and eggs when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out to check his text messages: it was from Cas? 

_I’m at the door. ___

__Sam’s heart jumped into his throat as he raced through the front foyer and took the stairs to the front entry two at a time; this couldn’t really be happening, could it?_ _

__“Cas…?” Sam took a step back, shaken by how unprepared he felt as he opened the door._ _

__Cas stood there in his familiar trench coat as if he had not disappeared into the abyss a week before._ _

__“Sam.” He stepped through the door frame onto the stairway landing and wrapped Sam in a vice like hug. Cas noticed that Sam looked drawn. He had prominent dark circles under his eyes, as though he hadn’t been sleeping, and he wondered what had happened since he had been taken by The Empty. It had only been a week, but Sam looked like death._ _

__The two of them stood in a smothering embrace for a moment longer before Dean entered the room, skidding to a halt at the entrance to the foyer, staring with frantic eyes at his phone._ _

__“Sam! Did you get a text from --” He looked up and froze, the look of confusion on his face quickly turning to shock._ _

__“Hello, Dean,” Cas said tentatively._ _

__Sam watched the look on Dean’s face turn rapidly from shock to...panic? A shadow moved in front of Dean’s eyes as he stumbled slowly backwards._ _

__“Cas,” Dean whispered. He continued to stare absently at the tile. Sam could see Dean’s breath hitching in his throat as he took labored breaths. And then...he turned away quickly and disappeared, avoiding eye contact altogether._ _

__Sam turned back to Cas, ready to apologize for Dean’s behavior, but he immediately became silent when he saw the fear on Cas’s face._ _

__“I...heard Dean praying for me to come back. I thought this was the right decision. Did I...do something wrong?”_ _

__“No, Cas. He just needs some time. Come on; we need to talk.” Sam made his way back down the steps and towards the kitchen, where he hoped he could still tempt Dean with breakfast and help to break the ice. He had to drag Cas along with him and physically help to seat him at one of the tables in the kitchen, since Cas didn’t seem to have any motor skills left to make it there himself._ _

__“What happened Cas? How are you here? We’ve been searching for something to bring you back, but we hadn't found anything useful yet.”_ _

__“Jack,” Cas said in his familiar, sullen tone._ _

__“Ah.” That’s really all Cas needed to say - Sam had wondered if Jack might wake Cas up. Being God had its perks. “And are you...here to stay?” Sam narrowed his eyes as he pulled a spatula out of a kitchen drawer and started putting bacon into a frying pan._ _

__“I want to be,” Cas said quietly, “I...if Dean wants me.”_ _

__“Oh, he does,” Sam said, and immediately felt guilty for sounding exasperated in his response._ _

__“He’s not acting the way that I thought he would, after hearing his prayers...” Cas trailed off. He was so confused._ _

__“Did you hear him praying to you just before?” Sam asked._ _

__Cas proceeded to pull a small vial of electric blue smoke out from under his shirt, tied around his neck with a black cord. “No, I didn’t. I extracted this earlier this morning. What did he say?” Cas gave a hopeful sideways glance towards Sam, who had started frying the bacon and was cracking eggs into a small bowl._ _

__“I think that’s between the two of you. Let me see if I can get him to come out here for breakfast and we’ll start there. Why did you decide to bottle your grace?”_ _

__“Dean hates it when I can hear his thoughts...see his dreams. I thought this was a better way to come back. I wanted to make it...fair. We’ve been through quite a lot recently.”_ _

__“You’re right, Cas. It’s better this way for the time being.”_ _

__“That bacon smells really good, Sam.”_ _

__“I s’pose you’re hungry?”_ _

__“Very.”_ _

_____ _

__Dean would not come out of his room to eat. Sam and Cas ate together in silence, and Sam brought a plate of food to Dean’s room for him afterwards - he couldn’t bear to watch him skip another meal._ _

__“Dean?” Sam pushed his ear up to the bedroom door hesitantly when he passed by with the plate, but got no answer. The door was slightly ajar, and so he pushed it open. Dean was asleep on his bed, curled in a tight ball on top of the comforter, twitching uncomfortably. It made Sam’s heart hurt to see him like this, and he wished there was something he could do to get him to come out and talk to Cas; he knew it would fix some things. He would never understand why his older brother had to be so stubborn. He quietly placed the plate on Dean’s bedside table and left him to his restless sleep._ _

__A short time later, Cas shuffled towards Dean’s room, hoping to catch him in a more agreeable mood. But he stopped in his tracks before he reached the door when he heard Dean mutter his name._ _

__“Cas. I miss you every goddamn day. Why aren’t you here with me?”_ _

__“I’m here, Cas whispered, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He put his back up against the cold hallway wall and slid down to the ground, carding his hands through his dark hair and putting his head in his arms as pain gripped every part of him. He knew that Dean was dreaming by the way he had muttered the sentiment. He had heard him talk in his sleep enough times to know._ _

__“Cas…”_ _

__It was a frantic whisper. Cas’s heart beat loudly in his chest. What was he supposed to do? Every human instinct inside of him screamed for him to go to Dean. To be there for him. But he was afraid. The look he had seen on Dean’s face earlier scared him, and he didn’t want to ever see it again._ _

__“Don’t do this, Cas.”_ _

__He couldn’t take it anymore; he rose up from his seat on the ground and entered Dean’s room, shaky and unsure. The tears had started to fall. Fear had overtaken every other emotion that he had. But something propelled him forward, and he found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at his hunter, brushing his damp hair back from his face as he slept. Cas had never wanted to be able to enter a dream so badly in his life. He thought he knew, based on the words that Dean muttered, what he was dreaming about. He touched the black cord around his neck, considering it...should he re-activate his grace? It hadn’t even been a day. He decided against it. Instead, he threaded his hand gently through Dean’s, and slid down softly behind him, and he, too, fell asleep almost immediately in a fleeting moment of contentment that allowed him to relax._ _

__“Cas?” He startled at Sam’s voice at the door, looking up abruptly as he realized he had fallen asleep._ _

__“Sam.” Cas acknowledged him softly, moving slowly away from Dean so as not to wake him; Dean had started snoring lightly, which was a good sign that he was at peace in his dreams now._ _

__“That’s...the most peaceful I’ve seen him since...well...since…” Sam trailed off, unable to finish the sentence._ _

__“I think he should sleep through the night now. Usually when he’s snoring like that, he does.”_ _

__Sam didn’t ask why Cas felt so confident about that._ _

__“Thanks Cas. Can I get you dinner? You’ve been in here for hours.”_ _

__“I suppose I am hungry again, yes,” Cas said thoughtfully, and followed Sam back to the bunker kitchen to repeat another silent meal with him. He felt tired as he helped Sam clean up, and excused himself to his old room so that he could try and sleep more._ _

__Shortly after laying down on the cool, familiar pillow in his room, Cas heard a distressed shout from Dean’s room, and abruptly stood up, striding quickly down the hall and landing in front of Dean’s closed bedroom door. He leaned against the cool wood, hands placed on either side of his face, ear pressed against the door as he listened for any further sign of movement or distress from the other side. He saw Sam poke his head out of his own room, and relax visibly when he saw that Cas was already tending to the situation. Cas was sure that Sam needed a break from taking care of his brother._ _

__“Why does this sound like goodbye?”_ _

__When he heard it, Cas grabbed the vial around his neck. Being human wasn’t going to work here. He needed to access Dean’s dreams and make the pain stop for both of them. It hurt him to know that it was his fault this was happening. He knew what dream Dean was having...over and over...and his heart was screaming. He fumbled with the top to the vial, hands shaking, and finally got it open. He breathed deeply and sighed with relief as his grace flooded through him.__

____

____

__The chill in the air immediately subsided, and the ache he had in his stomach from not eating enough at dinner was suddenly gone. Angel or not, he still keenly felt the aura of red that encased his heart. It was love; he could identify it now, and it was the best and worst thing that had ever happened to him. It had only grown stronger over the years, until it was undeniable that he had broken some sort of angelic mold when he had fallen. He hadn’t just fallen from heaven. He had fallen for something...for someone. For Dean. And if this didn’t work out...he wasn’t sure what would happen if an angel had a broken heart. He was certain that it hadn’t happened before. There was no book telling him what to expect. He wondered if it was possible to die from an ailment like that, and he desperately hoped he would never have to find out. He had to hope that Dean’s prayers reflected his true feelings, and that they weren’t just a residual effect of guilt from the moments prior to Cas disappearing into The Empty._ _

__Cas entered the room swiftly and found himself with Dean’s head in his lap. He pressed his fingers to Dean’s temples, and slowly fell into his dream, ready to face both of their demons head on._ _

_The walls of the bunker storage room were familiar. The banging on the door as Billy tried to break through his warding was as he had expected it to be. And in front of him was Dean, who was pressed up against the wall, tears in his eyes, unshed; he was afraid. And he was staring right at Cas._

_“...because it is. I love you.” Cas heard himself say it; he had become the Cas in Dean’s dream, and his heart hammered hard in his chest as he re-lived one of the best and worst moments of his life, just as real as it had been a week ago._

_Cas knew what came next. He braced himself. He wanted to make it stop, but he wanted to see it happen. He was frozen in place, waiting…_

_“I…” dream Dean moved towards him. Black ooze had started dripping from the walls, but it wasn’t the quick end that Cas remembered. He should be shoving Dean out of the way of the black, tar-like fingers of The Empty now, but he couldn’t. This was Dean’s dream, and he was orchestrating everything. Cas was frozen._

_Dean took a step towards him...reaching out for him._

_“I love you too, Cas,” Dean whispered. “Don’t do this to me. You can’t leave me.” Cas watched in silent awe as Dean moved towards him, slowly, as if in slow motion, and felt his hunter’s hands gently run along his jawline and over his lips before pulling him in for a deep kiss. He could taste it as if it were real. He closed his eyes so that he could absorb the sensory overload that made its way through his body like an electrical shock._

_Cas kissed Dean back, so gently, yet so urgently, and the ooze continued to move in, slowly covering both of their shoes...snaking up their legs…Cas struggled again to push Dean out of harm’s way, but it was impossible._

_“I can’t stay here, Cas. Not without you. I’m going with you.”_

_Cas shook his head no, but it kept happening - the dream was speeding back up again. Billy burst in suddenly with the scythe, as Dean pulled Cas in against him, holding him tightly, fighting as Cas tried to push him back. But it was futile, and the ooze took them both into The Empty together._

“No!” Cas heard himself say, and realized too late that his outburst from the dream translated back to real life, where he returned abruptly to find Dean pushing away from him aggressively, shocked, climbing backwards towards the other side of the bed, eyes wild. 

____“What the fuck, Cas? Get out of my head! GET...JUST GET OUT.”_ _ _ _

____Cas stood abruptly and rushed out of the room, holding his breath, keeping the tears at bay in his wide blue eyes, heading for the door of the bunker. He needed to get away. He didn’t understand any of this._ _ _ _

____When he reached the door, he threw it open and was greeted by pouring rain. He looked out into the dark, straining to see what was in front of him, but all he could see was velvet black between curtains of rain. Where was he going to go? He couldn’t go back to heaven already - Jack had given him a gift by allowing him to come back here. But he couldn’t stay now...could he?_ _ _ _

____He advanced several feet into the cool rain before locating a bench to the left of the bunker entrance that was partially sheltered by a large raspberry bush. He decided to sit for a moment to collect himself and to figure out what to do next. He didn’t care about being wet, or about his trench coat already being soaked through. He didn’t much care about anything except Dean and the dream that he had just witnessed. He had been a fool to allow himself into such an intimate, personal space like that. A small sob escaped him as he sat helplessly alone, water dripping from his hair and his chin._ _ _ _

____“He hates me now,” Cas whispered, and put his head in his hands._ _ _ _

____“Who hates you?”_ _ _ _

____A deep, familiar voice suddenly came from his right, and he turned to see Dean standing in the doorway to the bunker, his red flannel shirt and disheveled hair illuminated by the warm light from inside._ _ _ _

____“Y-you do,” Cas stuttered. “And I deserve it.”_ _ _ _

____“I don’t know about that.” Dean left the shelter of the doorway and wandered toward Cas, hands in his pockets, immediately saturated by the rain that was still falling heavily in the darkness._ _ _ _

____“I came back because I heard your prayers, Dean. And I guess I...hoped…”_ _ _ _

____“That I love you back?” Dean had sat down next to him now...so close to him that their legs touched and it sent a shiver down Cas’s back to feel the heat from his hunter as they sat so close together. Dean looked over at him through the rain that dripped off of his hair, wrinkling his forehead in that way that was so beautiful...so Dean._ _ _ _

____Cas couldn’t find the words to reply. He folded his hands and looked away, his face full of pain. He was happy that it was dark so that Dean couldn’t see it._ _ _ _

____“But I do.”_ _ _ _

____Cas trembled as he looked up, daring for a second to glance up into those green eyes that he had gotten lost in so long ago…_ _ _ _

____“It wasn’t just something you said in the dream?” Cas asked._ _ _ _

____Dean smiled thoughtfully, and responded with a simple, confident “No.”_ _ _ _

____“So...what I saw…was real? Are we real? This?” Cas hated how frantic he sounded._ _ _ _

____Dean had started moving closer to him now, finding his hand and gently twining their fingers together, and then it was like the dream, but real...Dean ran his free hand lightly along Cas’s jawline, but instead of kissing him, he hovered close enough for Cas to lose his breath in anticipation, and then Dean pulled away, making Cas chase him until he was too far away, smirking, giving Cas a playful side eye._ _ _ _

____“Are we about to kiss in the rain like some old rom com?” Dean asked, winking playfully._ _ _ _

____Cas could tell that Dean was teasing him now, but he didn’t want to be teased._ _ _ _

____“Please, Dean, please” he said in a desperate, gravelly tone._ _ _ _

____Cas watched Dean grow serious, and in a sudden moment of decisiveness, he pushed his forehead against Cas’s, his hands moving back up to his angel’s face, and he leaned in to a kiss that was so devastating that the flood light at the side of the bunker door exploded._ _ _ _

____“Was that...you? Dean murmured, without breaking the kiss for more than a second._ _ _ _

____Cas responded by nodding and hauling Dean into his lap, pushing his wet hair back from his hunter’s face, and wrapping his coat around them, whimpering softly when Dean finally pulled back to push the water away from Cas’s cheeks and take a breath._ _ _ _

____“Don’t stop,” Cas whispered, “Please don’t.”_ _ _ _

____“We need to go inside or we’re going to drown,” Dean whispered hoarsely._ _ _ _

____“Dean! Cas! Where are you? The lights --” They both looked towards the bunker entrance as Sam poked his head out the door._ _ _ _

____“Oh,” Sam said in slight embarrassment, knowing immediately that he had just interrupted a moment. “Sorry - carry on. We don’t have any lights in the foyer or the kitchen. Just...an fyi.” And with that, he ducked back inside abruptly._ _ _ _

____“Let’s go inside - sounds like we need to replace some light bulbs,” Dean laughed, smiling his charming half smile and removing himself from Cas’s lap, helping his angel up after him._ _ _ _

____“Can I sleep in your room tonight?” Cas asked softly, searching Dean’s face for approval._ _ _ _

____“You better,” Dean said, and took Cas’s hand, leading him back towards the entrance to the bunker._ _ _ _

____Cas smiled, and he knew that he would stay. Forever._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> For the lovely MrsMetta - thank you for the prompt. I enjoyed writing this! I never miss an opportunity to daydream about beautiful headcanon where Cas and Dean get the love that they deserved.
> 
> And thank you to @hblevons for being my first Beta reader!!! ILY!
> 
> I took 2 prompts from @starrynightdeancas's tag on Tumblr for their 3k followers celebration post too, and will also post there :)


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